These past few weeks have been difficult and frightening. Some times things happen that rock your world so hard that you no longer feel like you are standing on solid ground. You are conscious of how fragile the life you have built truly is and how little control you truly have. Such uncertainty can be a difficult reminder of the realities of life. But there is also beauty in the raw pain of human experience that reminds us that we are alive…beauty so deep that when we feel it, our hearts truly ache with its weight. This is what my life feels like right now.
Let me explain (click on the link below to keep reading)…
Riley left for college in August. She was nervous, but excited for a new chapter in life. Her summer had been fun, but also difficult and she was hoping that moving on would erase some of the pain she was experiencing. At first it did, but as the newness wore off and things settled down, she became increasingly anxious and depressedl. Thanks to good friends who let me know what was happening, we were able to get her help immediately. She withdrew from college and then moved back home. Her only plans right now are to get better…and my only plans are to help her.
There are struggles every day for both of us, but I think we are finding our way. Riley is learning a lot about herself…what makes her happy, what helps her feel strong, and that she is loved. Somehow she forgot all of those things. I’m trying to help her remember, and in the process I’m remembering those things for myself.
Depression and anxiety are so real. I deal with them myself everyday. I knew it was a matter of time with Riley, she has been exhibiting symptoms for years. I hate that my struggle has become hers, but I take comfort in the idea that some of the lessons I’ve learned will help her. And I am hopeful.
This is not the path I would have chosen for either of us…the pain and uncertainty makes it hard to even breath. But there is so much goodness and beauty along this path as well. And I’m grateful for every minute we walk it together.